Bookmarking Soulmate

As you would expect, not too many people are very open about their experiences regarding prostitution, making it pretty difficult to find a blog online that discusses the sex industry, something I am fascinated by. So you can imagine my surprise when I came across Letters From Johns, a blog that seemed all too much of a perfect complement to mine. Whereas I explore why people decide to sell their bodies for money, Letters From Johns sheds insight on why people choose to pay for such services. Essentially, my blog details the supply, and Letters From Johns follows the demand.

Even more surprising than coming across Letters From Johns was finding out that I wasn't the only one interested in learning more about the sex industry and its performers. Upon looking to see who else had bookmarked Letters From Johns, I discovered Viviane Tang, author of The Sex Carnival, a blog on sex and sexuality. A del.icio.us search of her bookmarks revealed a wealth of sites on everything that had to do with sex, as evident by her common tags sex toy, erotic, kinky, nymphomaniac, bdsm, fetish, vagina, cinekink, blowjob, prostitute, and strapon. Tang primarily focuses on sexuality and various practices such as bondage, but more recently, she has been linking these topics to porn and prostitutes.

Tang appears to bookmark every four to five days or so. It looks like she had been inactive for nine months, but luckily she has been back to her bookmarking practices in the last two weeks. Prior to her nine-month absence, however, she was bookmarking religiously for a period of several years, so here's to hoping that she will be doing the same from here on out. In fact, she had bookmarked so often that she has accumulated over 3,000 links and 400 tags. Unfortunately, she doesn't add any comments to her bookmarks, but she doesn't necessarily need to since most of the bookmarks already come with a very detailed description. Adding her own comments would be much too tedious, especially with the massive amount of bookmarking that she does. All that she really needs to do is add tags to better organize the bookmarks, which she does a great job of doing. She categorizes her bookmarks according to categories that divide them by type of sex industry and characteristics of individuals involved, such as porn, erotica, bondage, submission, dominance, consent, swinging, feminism, polyamory, sexwork, gay, bisexuality, queer, women, transgender, lgbtq, and black, to name a few.

Tang is an amazing resource for The Prostitute Report. She has linked to seemingly every site that relates to sex in some form, and many of the sites that she has bookmarked provides in-depth discussions on sexuality, which are extremely relevant to the discussion on why individuals choose to sell their bodies. Anyone can literally learn practically everything there is to know about sex since Tang's bookmarks cover the entire spectrum. Also worthy of mentioning is that Tang writes her own posts on sexuality, so combined with her bookmarks, The Sex Carnival is a great supplement to The Prostitute Report for anyone who wants to delve deeper into sexuality. Especially useful and must-visit sites that Tang has linked to include an article highlighting the common myths of prostitution, a profile on the double life of a call girl, and lastly, Letters From Working Girls, which is truly a gem of a blog from the same person who runs Letters From Johns.

The Sexually Curious Pro

68% of prostitutes consider their line of work as part of their sexuality.

As mentioned in last week's post, a handful of prostitutes who choose to sell their bodies are motivated by something other than money. In Suzy Favor-Hamilton's case, it was to provide her an escape from a life that she considered to be too routine and mundane. Although this became her primary reason for staying in the prostitution industry, her short career as an escort began because she wanted to fulfill her sexual fantasy of having sex with another man, more specifically with a complete stranger. I believe that Favor-Hamilton also had a fantasy of playing the role of a prostitute, just like how many others enjoy role-playing. I also think that since Favor-Hamilton had been with her husband since college, she simply wanted to re-explore her sexuality now that she was in her 40s and entering what she considered to be her "midlife crisis."

Like Favor-Hamilton, most other sex workers who are in the industry for reasons other than money are using prostitution as a means of satisfying their sexual curiosities. I know that it might sound peculiar for individuals to want to have sex with random, strange men just to satisfy these curiosities, but for these individuals, their sexual desires are virtually uncontrollable, and until they satisfy these desires, the urges that they have continue to eat away at them. A sexually curious pro might be single and therefore may lack a consistent partner in her life to engage in frequent sex with, or her partner might not be available at all times at her beckoning. Additionally, the partner that she has might not be open to experimenting with and exploring all of her curiosities, or he/she might not be able to satisfy the pro's massive appetite. Lastly, another common situation is that the pro might simply have recurring fantasies of having sex with multiple men or strong desires to engage in prostitute/john role-play situations.

A recent survey regarding prostitution sheds light on the surprising reasons that sex workers have for selling their bodies:

A majority of female prostitutes gave sexual curiosity as a reason for entering prostitution; many had great interest in sex before becoming prostitutes. Almost half of the female escorts started their work because they saw an opportunity to make money through sex. Street prostitutes, however, draw another picture: they are not in the business for the sex but to deal with problems such as drug abuse.

Many of these individuals start out to fulfill their sexual curiosities and do not begin to actually sell their bodies for money until they realize that instead of handing out their goodies for free, they can earn money for what they already enjoy doing. For them, it is a win-win situation: fulfill all of their sexual fantasies while getting paid obscene amounts of money to do so. Since they were planning on sleeping with multiple different people to satisfy their urges anyway, sexually curious pros figure that they might as well make some extra money in the process. I can't say that I disagree with their logic. After all, it appears that sexually curious pros have the least to lose and most to gain of all the different kinds of prostitutes.

The Bored Housewife Pro

Favor-Hamilton's bio on Haley Heston's Private Collection as "Kelly Lundy".

A picture of Favor-Hamilton on her escort profile with her face blurred.

A tweet from Favor-Hamilton's agency advertising her services.

Favor-Hamilton in a pictorial depicting her in everyday life.

As much as most people may not agree with prostitution, they can at least understand why individuals would want to sell their bodies in the first place. When money is the main motivator, the means of achieving it is a bit more relatable, a bit more justifiable, a bit more forgivable. Everyone can empathize with the relentless pursuit of money, and while one person may choose to do so by working a regular 9 to 5, the next person may see prostitution as a quicker and easier method of attaining financial security. In today's thriving sex industry, the average prostitute (neither a low-end streetwalker nor a high-end escort) charges anywhere from $200 to $250 per hour and upwards of $2,000 for the entire night. Not everyone will agree with prostitution, but everyone can agree with a six-figure salary. I know I definitely can.

But what if money is not the main motivator? What if some prostitutes choose to sell their bodies for reasons that have nothing to do with becoming richer? This is when prostitution becomes a foreign and taboo topic all over again. Society can understand doing not-so-fun-and-a-little-bit-degrading things for money - hence the popularity of shows like Fear Factor and Dirty Jobs - but to intentionally and willingly engage in an act such as prostitution for a reason other than money is unthinkable for most.

What reason would one have for becoming a prostitute if one were married and living in the suburbs of Madison, Wisconsin with a young daughter? If one were a college graduate and owner of a successful real-estate brokerage firm? If one's professional resume consisted of a Nike television commercial, a swimming calendar, promotional work for Disney, and motivational speeches across the nation? If one had won numerous awards, NCAA titles, and all-American awards? If one were a former three-time American Olympian?

This is as it is in the case of Suzy Favor-Hamilton, also known as "Kelly Lundy" to her clients. Hamilton had competed in the middle-distance competitions of the 1992, 1996, and 2000 Olympics; had a daughter who was seven during the peak of her escorting days; and was married to her college sweetheart, who made a substantial amount of money through his work as a lawyer. She lived in a $600,000 house, and according to court and municipal records, was not in any immediate or potential financial stress whatsoever. Sounds like a dream to me.

Yet despite what would be considered an ideal, normal life to most Americans, it turns out that Favor-Hamilton was also living a double life as a high-end Las Vegas call girl working for the Haley Heston Private Collection, charging her clients a whopping $600 an hour and $6,000 for the day. Personally, I can understand choosing to become a prostitute if one can make that kind of money doing it, but although Favor-Hamilton charged a high amount for her services, she revealed that she was not in it for the money whatsoever. Rather, she only charged $600 an hour simply because she could.

Favor-Hamilton said that her escort career started with her desire to fulfill a "fantasy," and that she had only planned on doing it temporarily. However, after going on her first "date," she became entirely hooked. In her words, Favor-Hamilton admitted that escorting was "exciting" because it provided her an opportunity to escape what she considered to be a routine and mundane lifestyle. At this point, I know everyone's asking the same question that I had asked: where was her college sweetheart in all of this? Favor-Hamilton stated that her husband, who she had been dating since college, knew about her illicit activities and had tried to get her to stop numerous times, but she was too addicted to her secret lifestyle to listen to him.

How can someone become addicted to having sex with strangers for money? Just when psychologists and society in general begin to think that they have come across enough literature to fully understand prostitutes and the reasons behind what they do, individuals like Favor-Hamilton completely shatter the mold. Whereas an overwhelming majority of those who choose to sell their bodies do it to secure financial livelihood, Favor-Hamilton did it for her own personal livelihood because her desire to escape routine became too strong to ignore. What would be considered an ideal life for much of America, including myself, turned out to be too mundane for Favor-Hamilton. Rather than simply daydreaming of a different, more exciting life, perhaps one without screaming toddlers and instead with a hot boy toy rocking ridiculous abs, as I would do if I were a bored housewife, Favor-Hamilton made her fantasies come true. It might be difficult for us to understand, but for her, it seems as if a six-figure salary was a bonus that came only second to her ability to find mental sanctity.