The Sex Carnival

It isn't every day that I come across blogs even anywhere close to being similar to mine. Frankly, the ones that draw the most attention and are capable of becoming the most popular are the ones which serve to tell rather than discuss, review rather than analyze, entertain rather than inform, hence the popularity of gossip and beauty blogs. Granted, I'm sure most people find sex to be much more entertaining than the current activities of celebrities or the newest makeup trend, but that simply doesn't translate over to blogs.

Maybe it's because there's not too many new things to learn about sex; maybe sex is too much of a taboo topic for the general public I mean, I have to admit that I probably wouldn't visit a site on sex every day. Can you imagine how awkward that would be if a co-worker glanced over and I was casually scrolling down a site filled with not pictures of Kim Kardashian out and about, but instead with all kinds of NSFW images? Actually, now that I think about it, half the things that Kim K wears can probably be categorized as borderline NSFW, but that's besides the point.

Imagine my surprise when I came across a blogger who seemed to be just as interested in the workings of the sex industry as I am. The Sex Carnival touches on prostitution as I do, but doesn't discuss sex workers as much as she profiles them by shamelessly plastering escorts and porn stars all over the side of her blog (I bet if you hadn't yet clicked on the blog, you will now just to see those pictures). Rather than simply profiling the sex workers, I intend to instead discuss their motivations and methods, and I think this particular blog would definitely help to remind me of all the different aspects of the sex industry beyond just prostitutes.

The blogger, Viviane Tang, appears to have had that blog for several years, and in that amount of time, she's amassed a massive amount of posts on the industry, especially since she posts every week or so. She states that she writes for her friends, most of whom are "sex geeks" and "tech tops", but she appears to be reaching more than just her friends, considering that her blog was one of a few to have received an award from CineKink. Many in the sex world recognize Tang for her celebration and encouragement of sex positive culture, as apparent by her endless links to erotica literature and events which teach readers and attendees to embrace and be more open with their sexuality. I almost can't believe there are so many events on sexuality, but then I remember the time I worked at a Hilton and saw a woman in full-on leather gear walking a man who had an apple in his mouth and a spiked collar around his neck through the lobby during a week-long dominatrix conference at the hotel.

Tang's posts are not as detailed as I would like them to be, but then again, as I mentioned, I wouldn't go too in-depth either if I was writing every week for more than five years. She mostly links to book or movie launches, film festivals, release parties, and interactive workshops, then provides a little bit of commentary at the very end. In that sense, her writing isn't so much scholarly or academic as it is professional and straightforward, since she seeks to inform her readers about the events taking place within the sex industry rather than discussing or analyzing the industry itself.

I know if I was a bored housewife who wanted to let out the freak in me every now and then, I would definitely follow Tang's blog, and I think that's who Tang primarily targets with her posts. Her blog is directed at the woman who wants to explore her sexuality and allow herself to fantasize a bit, all the while having a significant amount of free time to indulge in erotica media and attend different events. Who better than a housewife in that case? I'm sure we've all seen just how much middle-aged women's hormones can rage in a couple episodes of Desperate Housewives and Bravo's Real Housewives, and believe me, they could use something like The Sex Carnival to settle them down a bit.

The Money-Hungry Pro

At the end of the day, money is the main incentive for prostitution. Sexual curiosity has been shown to be a motivation as well, but keep in mind that those who are mostly seeking to fulfill their fantasies still charge for their services. Even if some factor other than money is the primary reason for why one might choose to engage in sex work, everyone can be in agreement that extra cash is always a nice little bonus. Let's face it: if we were Suzy Favor-Hamilton and were having sex with strangers to satisfy our desires, we'd charge $600 an hour too even though we didn't need the money whatsoever. I mean, why not? It wouldn't hurt.

Actually, money-hungry pros, who sell their bodies even though they do not need the money, significantly contribute to the prostitution industry's negative image. Although sex work is looked down upon in general, there are some instances in which prostitution is deemed relatively acceptable to most. These include prostituting to feed one's children, keep up with rent and bills, and pay for school tuition. On the other hand, prostituting for a disposable income to afford unnecessary items such as brand-name clothing and luxury goods are especially looked down upon.

I recently conducted a survey which asked participants to rank the following statements from most acceptable/justifiable to least acceptable/justifiable:

Respondents largely and consistently indicated that the least acceptable/justifiable reasons for having sex for money are fulfilling a drug habit (which will be touched upon in a future post) and having luxury items. Why is this the case when most people want luxury things such as expensive clothing and nice vacations in their own lives? I know I would go crazy for Louis Vuitton and Christian Louboutin, if only I could afford it. Why knock the money-hungry pros for pursuing the same kind of lifestyle?

This is due to the fact that people can only feel for those who have sex for money because their backs are against the wall. Prostitution is considered to be an extreme means to an end; it is a job that most people would not want to take part in unless they absolutely have to, such as when they have an obligation to support their family but cannot make enough money to feed their children by working a regular job. In the same survey, I asked participants to state the one single reason that would cause them to begin exchanging their bodies for money. All but one responded that they would only become prostitutes if they did not have enough money to feed their kids or if they suddenly became homeless. 

People are primed to do whatever it takes to satisfy their basic needs, which include food and shelter. Thus, when individuals choose to engage in something so extreme and taboo like prostitution so that they can buy expensive items rather than to simply obtain the minimum resources required for their survival, society immediately chastises them for unnecessary overconsumption. And who can blame society for doing so? While the rest of us sink ourselves in debt pursuing an education to find us a six-figure career so we can finally buy those luxury items and go on those fancy vacations, money-hungry pros will have retired already, having put in only a few years of work, albeit not-so-fun-and-a-little-bit-degrading work, for that lifetime supply of Louboutins.

Bookmarking Soulmate

As you would expect, not too many people are very open about their experiences regarding prostitution, making it pretty difficult to find a blog online that discusses the sex industry, something I am fascinated by. So you can imagine my surprise when I came across Letters From Johns, a blog that seemed all too much of a perfect complement to mine. Whereas I explore why people decide to sell their bodies for money, Letters From Johns sheds insight on why people choose to pay for such services. Essentially, my blog details the supply, and Letters From Johns follows the demand.

Even more surprising than coming across Letters From Johns was finding out that I wasn't the only one interested in learning more about the sex industry and its performers. Upon looking to see who else had bookmarked Letters From Johns, I discovered Viviane Tang, author of The Sex Carnival, a blog on sex and sexuality. A del.icio.us search of her bookmarks revealed a wealth of sites on everything that had to do with sex, as evident by her common tags sex toy, erotic, kinky, nymphomaniac, bdsm, fetish, vagina, cinekink, blowjob, prostitute, and strapon. Tang primarily focuses on sexuality and various practices such as bondage, but more recently, she has been linking these topics to porn and prostitutes.

Tang appears to bookmark every four to five days or so. It looks like she had been inactive for nine months, but luckily she has been back to her bookmarking practices in the last two weeks. Prior to her nine-month absence, however, she was bookmarking religiously for a period of several years, so here's to hoping that she will be doing the same from here on out. In fact, she had bookmarked so often that she has accumulated over 3,000 links and 400 tags. Unfortunately, she doesn't add any comments to her bookmarks, but she doesn't necessarily need to since most of the bookmarks already come with a very detailed description. Adding her own comments would be much too tedious, especially with the massive amount of bookmarking that she does. All that she really needs to do is add tags to better organize the bookmarks, which she does a great job of doing. She categorizes her bookmarks according to categories that divide them by type of sex industry and characteristics of individuals involved, such as porn, erotica, bondage, submission, dominance, consent, swinging, feminism, polyamory, sexwork, gay, bisexuality, queer, women, transgender, lgbtq, and black, to name a few.

Tang is an amazing resource for The Prostitute Report. She has linked to seemingly every site that relates to sex in some form, and many of the sites that she has bookmarked provides in-depth discussions on sexuality, which are extremely relevant to the discussion on why individuals choose to sell their bodies. Anyone can literally learn practically everything there is to know about sex since Tang's bookmarks cover the entire spectrum. Also worthy of mentioning is that Tang writes her own posts on sexuality, so combined with her bookmarks, The Sex Carnival is a great supplement to The Prostitute Report for anyone who wants to delve deeper into sexuality. Especially useful and must-visit sites that Tang has linked to include an article highlighting the common myths of prostitution, a profile on the double life of a call girl, and lastly, Letters From Working Girls, which is truly a gem of a blog from the same person who runs Letters From Johns.

The Sexually Curious Pro

68% of prostitutes consider their line of work as part of their sexuality.

As mentioned in last week's post, a handful of prostitutes who choose to sell their bodies are motivated by something other than money. In Suzy Favor-Hamilton's case, it was to provide her an escape from a life that she considered to be too routine and mundane. Although this became her primary reason for staying in the prostitution industry, her short career as an escort began because she wanted to fulfill her sexual fantasy of having sex with another man, more specifically with a complete stranger. I believe that Favor-Hamilton also had a fantasy of playing the role of a prostitute, just like how many others enjoy role-playing. I also think that since Favor-Hamilton had been with her husband since college, she simply wanted to re-explore her sexuality now that she was in her 40s and entering what she considered to be her "midlife crisis."

Like Favor-Hamilton, most other sex workers who are in the industry for reasons other than money are using prostitution as a means of satisfying their sexual curiosities. I know that it might sound peculiar for individuals to want to have sex with random, strange men just to satisfy these curiosities, but for these individuals, their sexual desires are virtually uncontrollable, and until they satisfy these desires, the urges that they have continue to eat away at them. A sexually curious pro might be single and therefore may lack a consistent partner in her life to engage in frequent sex with, or her partner might not be available at all times at her beckoning. Additionally, the partner that she has might not be open to experimenting with and exploring all of her curiosities, or he/she might not be able to satisfy the pro's massive appetite. Lastly, another common situation is that the pro might simply have recurring fantasies of having sex with multiple men or strong desires to engage in prostitute/john role-play situations.

A recent survey regarding prostitution sheds light on the surprising reasons that sex workers have for selling their bodies:

A majority of female prostitutes gave sexual curiosity as a reason for entering prostitution; many had great interest in sex before becoming prostitutes. Almost half of the female escorts started their work because they saw an opportunity to make money through sex. Street prostitutes, however, draw another picture: they are not in the business for the sex but to deal with problems such as drug abuse.

Many of these individuals start out to fulfill their sexual curiosities and do not begin to actually sell their bodies for money until they realize that instead of handing out their goodies for free, they can earn money for what they already enjoy doing. For them, it is a win-win situation: fulfill all of their sexual fantasies while getting paid obscene amounts of money to do so. Since they were planning on sleeping with multiple different people to satisfy their urges anyway, sexually curious pros figure that they might as well make some extra money in the process. I can't say that I disagree with their logic. After all, it appears that sexually curious pros have the least to lose and most to gain of all the different kinds of prostitutes.

The Bored Housewife Pro

Favor-Hamilton's bio on Haley Heston's Private Collection as "Kelly Lundy".

A picture of Favor-Hamilton on her escort profile with her face blurred.

A tweet from Favor-Hamilton's agency advertising her services.

Favor-Hamilton in a pictorial depicting her in everyday life.

As much as most people may not agree with prostitution, they can at least understand why individuals would want to sell their bodies in the first place. When money is the main motivator, the means of achieving it is a bit more relatable, a bit more justifiable, a bit more forgivable. Everyone can empathize with the relentless pursuit of money, and while one person may choose to do so by working a regular 9 to 5, the next person may see prostitution as a quicker and easier method of attaining financial security. In today's thriving sex industry, the average prostitute (neither a low-end streetwalker nor a high-end escort) charges anywhere from $200 to $250 per hour and upwards of $2,000 for the entire night. Not everyone will agree with prostitution, but everyone can agree with a six-figure salary. I know I definitely can.

But what if money is not the main motivator? What if some prostitutes choose to sell their bodies for reasons that have nothing to do with becoming richer? This is when prostitution becomes a foreign and taboo topic all over again. Society can understand doing not-so-fun-and-a-little-bit-degrading things for money - hence the popularity of shows like Fear Factor and Dirty Jobs - but to intentionally and willingly engage in an act such as prostitution for a reason other than money is unthinkable for most.

What reason would one have for becoming a prostitute if one were married and living in the suburbs of Madison, Wisconsin with a young daughter? If one were a college graduate and owner of a successful real-estate brokerage firm? If one's professional resume consisted of a Nike television commercial, a swimming calendar, promotional work for Disney, and motivational speeches across the nation? If one had won numerous awards, NCAA titles, and all-American awards? If one were a former three-time American Olympian?

This is as it is in the case of Suzy Favor-Hamilton, also known as "Kelly Lundy" to her clients. Hamilton had competed in the middle-distance competitions of the 1992, 1996, and 2000 Olympics; had a daughter who was seven during the peak of her escorting days; and was married to her college sweetheart, who made a substantial amount of money through his work as a lawyer. She lived in a $600,000 house, and according to court and municipal records, was not in any immediate or potential financial stress whatsoever. Sounds like a dream to me.

Yet despite what would be considered an ideal, normal life to most Americans, it turns out that Favor-Hamilton was also living a double life as a high-end Las Vegas call girl working for the Haley Heston Private Collection, charging her clients a whopping $600 an hour and $6,000 for the day. Personally, I can understand choosing to become a prostitute if one can make that kind of money doing it, but although Favor-Hamilton charged a high amount for her services, she revealed that she was not in it for the money whatsoever. Rather, she only charged $600 an hour simply because she could.

Favor-Hamilton said that her escort career started with her desire to fulfill a "fantasy," and that she had only planned on doing it temporarily. However, after going on her first "date," she became entirely hooked. In her words, Favor-Hamilton admitted that escorting was "exciting" because it provided her an opportunity to escape what she considered to be a routine and mundane lifestyle. At this point, I know everyone's asking the same question that I had asked: where was her college sweetheart in all of this? Favor-Hamilton stated that her husband, who she had been dating since college, knew about her illicit activities and had tried to get her to stop numerous times, but she was too addicted to her secret lifestyle to listen to him.

How can someone become addicted to having sex with strangers for money? Just when psychologists and society in general begin to think that they have come across enough literature to fully understand prostitutes and the reasons behind what they do, individuals like Favor-Hamilton completely shatter the mold. Whereas an overwhelming majority of those who choose to sell their bodies do it to secure financial livelihood, Favor-Hamilton did it for her own personal livelihood because her desire to escape routine became too strong to ignore. What would be considered an ideal life for much of America, including myself, turned out to be too mundane for Favor-Hamilton. Rather than simply daydreaming of a different, more exciting life, perhaps one without screaming toddlers and instead with a hot boy toy rocking ridiculous abs, as I would do if I were a bored housewife, Favor-Hamilton made her fantasies come true. It might be difficult for us to understand, but for her, it seems as if a six-figure salary was a bonus that came only second to her ability to find mental sanctity.

The Johns Behind the Pros

Like JJ, johns can come from all walks of life.

People can knock prostitutes all they want, but at the end of the day, the world wouldn't have hos if there weren't a line of men ready and willing to pay for them. It honestly baffles me why anyone would want to pay indiscriminate amounts of money to get down to business with a stranger who has sex with multiple random people for a living. First of all, I can just imagine the act being so incredibly uncomfortable and non-intimate. Secondly, there are just too many people in this world willing to give it out for free, so why pay for it?

But hey, that's not my place to judge or question. After all, I personally have a friend who is willing to pay for sex, and if there is any one person in the world who should be the least likely to ever have to resort to doing such a thing, it would be him.

This particular person is my boyfriend's close friend from high school; they were both on the same basketball team for two years. While my boyfriend ended up taking a different route in the form of firefighting, this person - let's call him JJ - ended up being drafted into the NBA. He went from being a normal, almost typical, L.A. athlete from a working class home to being a multimillionaire within a matter of moments. He had so much money he literally didn't know what to do with it. One time, we all went to Cheesecake Factory together, and he bought enough food for us to take home leftovers for lunch and dinner for an entire week.

I'm drifting from the topic, but my end point is that he became so wealthy he began to fear being trapped by women. He felt that every female was out to get his money, whether that was through charming him into lavishing expensive gifts on them or through seducing him into being careless enough to have unprotected sex. That was how his interest in prostitutes all began.

The most recent time it happened, I heard through my boyfriend that a well-known hip hop video model had struck up a conversation with JJ over Twitter. Within a week, he had flown her and a couple of her girlfriends out to one of his games and paid for their hotel accommodations and anything else they needed during their stay. The entire trip cost him upwards of $20,000, and the entire time they were there, she repaid him with sexual favors. It was an unconventional method of prostitution, but it was an exchange of money for sex nonetheless. The $20,000 was no biggie for JJ, especially since to him, it was the price he felt he needed to pay to spend a weekend with someone without constantly having to worry about the most minor things, like if she had tampered with the condom or if she would go and tell the whole world about his weekend with her.

You would think that johns are people who either can't get women or who are bored of their mundane married lives, but JJ is neither of the two. He is completely single, and every time he goes to parties or clubs, women would be trying to get his attention and go home with him instead of vice versa. He's good-looking, tall, athletic, and super rich - nothing like what we imagine the typical john to be. As with prostitutes, much of what we know about johns comes from what is shown in the media. However, in the case of JJ, we are reminded that we should never judge a book by its cover. Just how johns can be of all kinds of different family backgrounds, racial compositions, and socioeconomic statuses, prostitutes are the exact same way. Like I mentioned, the world of prostitution goes far beyond the crack whore and drive-up john you may have occasionally seen on the outskirts of your town.

A Web of Hos

Screenshot of the escort website Seeking Arrangement

What if I told you that at UCLA, there are enough prostitutes on campus to comprise an entire lecture hall? Not just one of those smaller, major-specific lecture halls, but one of the huge ones characteristic of a G.E. class? A little bit hard to believe, right?

Well, believe it. Just the other day, as I did everything I could possibly do on my laptop other than follow along with the Powerpoint presentations in the middle of a lecture for a $4,500 class, I came across an article on KTLA about the recent increase in sugar babies on Southern California college campuses. Sounds like a relatively sweet and cutesy topic, doesn't it? I mean, "sugar babies" just sounds like another nickname for sorority girls or college co-eds in general, something like "house bunnies."

Well, for those of you who don't know, "sugar babies" is actually the name given to girls who seek to be the beneficiaries of sugar daddies. Of course, we're all grown and privy to what sugar daddies are: men who are more than happy to spread the wealth among the less fortunate. And by less fortunate, we're not talking about the people we'd find on Skid Row here. We're talking about gold diggers - really hot, young gold diggers.

This particular article described how a survey of an escort website, Seeking Arrangement, revealed that of the universities here in Southern California, UCLA had the most sugar babies of all with 180 young women willing to provide men with "companionship" for anywhere from $1,000 to $3,000 per month. USC came in second with 70 students signed up, UC Riverside  third with 69, UC Irvine fourth with 64, and Cal State Northridge came in fifth with 59.

Considering that my baby sister is currently a Bruin, this fact did not sit well with me. Thankfully, I know her well enough to say without any doubt in my mind that she isn't one of the 180. Still, I've visited her enough times to see that UCLA is the typical college campus, with incredibly intelligent people who are there for a world-class education, yet still like to let loose every once in a while at the occasional frat party. However, that's a far cry from prostitution. Sugarcoat it with whatever cutesy name you want, but let's be frank here and call sugar babies for what they are: prostitutes. And considering there's 180 students enrolled on Seeking Arrangement (enough for that large lecture hall I previously mentioned), I couldn't help but to wonder if any of my sister's friends or even roommates could possibly be one of these sugar babies.

When you think of college, you don't think of prostitutes, right? Well, hopefully you don't, even after reading everything I just wrote above. You think of the young, ambitious, wide-eyed pupil, ambivalent about the next four years but excited to enjoy newfound freedom. Conversely, when you think of prostitutes, you don't think of college, right? Your mind instantly flashes to the crack whore you've seen all too often on the occasional Cops or Law and Order shows, the ones with dirty hair, ripped fishnets, and a face full of smeared makeup. To think that these two worlds could collide was mind-blowing. And it had me thinking, what else about prostitutes do I not know? I mean, it's only the oldest profession in the book; surely it hasn't been prevalent in every time period, region, and culture in solely the form of the crack addict on the corner, as illustrated by past royal mistresses and concubines.

Prostitution is such a taboo topic. All we'd like to know of it is that it exists, it makes for great television (especially when the cops set up those intense sting operations), and we and the people we love are not involved in it. That's as far as we'd like to know about it. Yet, how do we explain the doctors, priests, and teachers who somehow always manage to get caught during these sting operations? How do we explain why such a taboo topic is the oldest profession in the book? And lastly, how do we explain the participation of so many individuals, ultimately allowing prostitution to have persisted throughout these countless years?

As you'll come to find out, prostitution doesn't purely exist in the form of the local crack whore. Like these sugar babies at UCLA, USC, and UCR seeking financial assistance for college tuition, prostitution is a web in which countless lives, stories, and motives are entangled.